Fucked up,

When you watch the beginning of a movie for several times but never get to the end of it, you live with the illusion of knowing it very well so it becomes boring. And so it is in real life. You start watching your own movie, never getting to an end, never finishing the story but sooner starting another one thinking, wishing, believing. In what? Why? In who?

A part of me still loves you in a different way,

Inca tin la tine la fel de mult pe cat te repudiez.
Nu mai pot spune ce iti ziceam odata. Mai mult de atat evit constructii de genul care implica subiectivul. Nu inteleg cum tu inca o poti face, dar presupun ca e mecanic si ca o faci pentru ca tu chiar crezi ca ma ajuta. Mi-as dori sa zic ca e ultima oara cand mai scriu despre tine, insa tind sa cred ca ma vei mai curenta... sau poate nu. Ai reusit sa ma impietresti ca o Meduza sentimentala cu fiecare scena in care mi-ai aratat compania ta in preajma altora, in care mi-ai zis ca nu poti fi alaturi, in care mi te-ai aratat ca o himera in multime, in care  ai trecut pe langa sufletul meu cu picioarele. Nu stiu daca ai vrut sa ma indepartezi, poate asa ai devenit de 4 ani incoace. Dupa cum bine vezi sunt subtila. Aseara te-am vazut plecand cu o alta. Ai plecat cu mai multe din mine, ai plecat cu tot ce era bun si rau dintre noi. Imi pare rau ca nu pot sta sa conversez cu tine, dar my job is done here. Multa fericire! :)

P.S: Nu iti port pica. Nu iti port nici un sentiment. Doar o mica spada in suflet care ma strange intre coaste cand te vad cu coltul ochiului.

Nu am gasit o piesa care sa descrie mai bine ce simt decat aceasta:

Bury all your secrets in my skinCome away with innocence and leave me with my sinsThe air around me still feels like a cageAnd love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again
So if you love me let me goAnd run away before I knowMy heart is just too dark to careI can’t destroy what isn’t there
Deliver me into my fateIf I’m alone I cannot hateI don’t deserve to have youOoh, my smile was taken long agoIf I can change I hope I never know
I still press your letters to my lips

And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kissI couldn’t face a life without your lightsBut all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight
So save your breath, I will not careI think I made it very clearYou couldn’t hate enough to loveIs that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren’t my friendThen I could hurt you in the endI never claimed to be a saintOoh, my own was banished long agoIt took the death of hope to let you go

So break yourself against my stonesAnd spit your pity in my soulYou never needed any helpYou sold me out to save yourself
And I won’t listen to your shameYou ran away, you’re all the sameAngels lie to keep controlOoh, my love was punished long agoIf you still care don’t ever let me know

...
If you still care don’t ever let me know